The Hardest Thing
by AllTimeNatalie
Summary: How could I tell him the truth about what I really was? This was the hardest thing that I had ever had to do. Maybe maths lessons are good times to tell the truth. Please R&R. A mix of the books and the film. Full summary inside
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: **I own no rights to Cirque Du Freak or any of the characters in it

**A/N: **Set after Darren was blooded but before he went to the cirque. A couple of days after the freak show. Oh and in Darren's POV. Mix of the books and the film.

**SUMMARY: **How could I tell him the truth about what I really was? This was the hardest thing that I had ever had to do and I was dreading it. Maybe maths lessons are good times to tell the truth. Bad summary I know but please read it

**TITLE: **The hardest thing

~D~A~R~R~E~N~~S~H~A~N~

I was not looking forward to today. It was a Monday morning and I had gotten hardly any sleep last night thanks to Annie and her dolls. She came in asking if I would play dolls with her because she couldn't sleep so I spent three hours listening to Ken and Barbie vacationing in Malibu. I wasn't even sure if Malibu was a real place or a made up one. Reluctantly I pushed the school doors open to be greeted by a grinning Steve. Steve was my best friend and I could tell him everything…well almost everything. I hadn't told him that I was a half vampire yet and wasn't sure if I was going to. After what happened a couple of nights ago at the theatre I wasn't sure if I could look at him the same way ever again. He had asked to be a half vampire and I had over heard. I was shocked and ashamed and yet here I am with vampire blood in my veins. We mainly called Steve, Steve leopard instead of Leonard. We didn't know why but it was just a habit.

"Hey Darren, why have you been ignoring me?" I looked at him wide eyed and thought of a good excuse. What could I say exactly? I was a half vampire and living his dream for him whilst he couldn't? No, I wasn't gonna say that obviously.

"I haven't been ignoring you." it was the simplest answer that clearly pointed out that I in fact had been blocking him out and pushing him away. "Look Steve, it's complicated and I just can't tell you right now. I need to think it over then I'll tell you tomorrow." I said, kicking myself inside my head. Why had I said that? He was sure to wanna know now. All I could do was wait for a reaction and grin it away.

"Okay then, don't worry about it dude." He smiled then led me to maths class. Mr Dalton was ill so we had Miss Smithe. She was horrible and it was no wonder that she was a miss. Who would marry a witch like her? Steve was annoyed and slumped down on his chair. He loved having Mr Dalton because he could get away with murder…well maybe not murder but you know what I mean.

"Okay Class so today we will learn about Algebra. What is…" Steve whispered in my ear as the teacher turned to face us.

"Boring…I hate Algebra. Ha-ha, she looks so fat in that dress." I couldn't control my laughter as Miss Smithe was fuming with anger.

"If you think I look so big in this dress then maybe you should go outside, you too Mr Shan." Steve shrugged then pulled open the door as I followed him into the corridor. Now I could get it all put in the open.

"Steve, I have something to tell you…" He nodded and faced me with curious eyes. "Well, I…umm I… I have new pants on." I exclaimed before I could think about it. He burst out in hysterics and pounded the wall in laughter.

"I noticed and they're lovely Darren they really are but why do I need to know that." Oh yeah, I did have new pants on but that wasn't the important thing here.

"No there's something else as well. I…I'm a…" Before I could finish, Steve interrupted with a chuckle.

"Lemme guess, you have a new shirt too?" I shook my head with aggravation, wishing that he would just let me speak.

"No Steve! I'm a half-vampire okay?" I didn't want to shout but I had to otherwise he'd just keep interrupting me. He fell silent and stared at me with his sparkly eyes. "Say something please." I begged in a soft tone.

"What do you want me to say? Whoop-d-doo, cause I'm not going to Darren." I nodded and wished that I hadn't mentioned it.

"Are you okay?" I asked with a concerned expression. He shrugged and blinked. He was blinking back tears. Were they tears of jealousy or tears because he didn't want me to go? I wasn't sure anymore. "Steve c'mon, you're still my best friend and you always will be. Weather I'm a half vampire or not I'll still care about you and you know that." He looked up at me again, this time with joy.

"You mean that?" I smiled and nodded as we peered into the classroom of bored children. Then we turned to see Mr Kersey behind us. "Hey Mr K." Steve grinned but his grin fell when he saw the angry expression.

"Mr Leonard, Mr Shan what'cha got for me here? Spying on a class, I'll see you at break for detention today and tomorrow. Tomorrow because you were talking." He strolled back down the corridor after giving us our detention slips and disappeared into a maths room. Detention would suck but at least I'd be there with my best friend Steve Leopard. When the coast was clear, we burst out into uncontrollable laughter as the bell sounded loudly and the class poured out of the room.

"That was the best maths lesson ever!" Steve chuckled and looked down at the detention slip.

"You're tellin' me; well we should go to Mr Kersey now." I rolled my eyes as we started for his office and Steve did the same.

**A/N: **Well, you read the story, now press that little review button and type something nice in. ^_^ Thank you!!


	2. Chapter 2

**DISCLAIMER: **I own no rights to Cirque Du Freak or any of the characters in it

**A/N: **Set after Darren was blooded but before he went to the cirque. A couple of days after the freak show. Oh and in Darren's POV. Mix of the books and the film.

**SUMMARY: **How could I tell him the truth about what I really was? This was the hardest thing that I had ever had to do and I was dreading it. Maybe maths lessons are good times to tell the truth. Bad summary I know but please read it

**TITLE: **The hardest thing

~D~A~R~R~E~N~~S~H~A~N~

**Chapter 2 **

Detention dragged on and if it wasn't for Steve, I think I would have died. We passed notes when Mr Kersey wasn't looking and I let out a couple of chuckles but he didn't notice which was lucky. We would have been in detention for a week if he had noticed. The problem was that now, I had to look forward to another one tomorrow. His detentions were so boring and long, they took forever. When it was finally over and I had to suffer no more, we headed for the door and began to smirk to each other.

"Man could that have lasted any longer?" I asked Steve whilst yawning. He grinned and looked at the clock.

"We were only there for twenty minutes." He said as I looked at him with wide eyes.

"Well it seemed like twenty hours." I knew that I'd eventually have to leave but it was just a question of when. I wondered how I would leave him. Would I just leave without saying a word? Would I tell him and hope for the best? I didn't know but the night was approaching when I would have to make a quick decision. A decision that would change my life a whole lot more than I wanted it to. "Steve, what would you do if I left?" I asked with a shaky tone as I looked into his grey eyes.

"I dunno, I'd be upset sure but you aren't leaving so…" He paused then began to think, which believe me is unusual, then frowned. "You aren't leaving right?" What did I do? Lie or tell the truth that I in fact was going to leave him. I finally broke the awkward silence with a sigh.

"Steve…" That was a bad thing to do. He nodded and bit his lip as though he knew what I was about to say. That piled on guilt and I felt even worse than I had done. "Steve, I'm not leaving you." I finally said a she looked up with a shining expression.

"Why did you scare me like that?" He joked and shoved me backwards. When the end of the day came, I was glad and I couldn't face Steve anymore. I had lied to him and I couldn't change it. There was a knock on the window as I peered down to see a flushed Vampire. I hauled the window open as he climbed inside and lay on my floor gasping for air.

"Why didn't you knock at the door?" I asked Mr Crepsley as he panted in more air.

"Oh yes and what exactly could I say? Hello Mr and Mrs Shan I have come to take your son?" I thought about it then realised that he had a fair point. I was actually going to leave my family and my best friends to go and live as a night time predator. "Did you tell anyone that you were going?" I shook my head and realised how hard this was. It was harder then first anticipated and a knock rippled from my door. I gasped and bundled Mr Crepsley into my closet.

"Hey Darren, you decent?" It was Steve. I quickly shut the door and yawned as I went to the door of my room.

"Oh Steve, I was just sleeping. What's up?" I asked as I fake yawned and welcomed him in. He made himself comfy on my bed and smiled at me.

"Do I need a reason to see my best friend?" He asked with a mocking smile. "Actually there is a reason. I need to know, Darren are you hiding something from me?" It was quite ironic for him to describe my lying like that seen as I was actually hiding a red- headed vampire from him in my closet.

"Well seeing as you ask, I have to leave Steve. I don't want to but eventually I'll have to. You know what I am and you know that I can't stay. I lied to you because I was afraid of hurting you. I want to stay Steve, believe me I do but there is something that I have to do." I sighed as he sighed sadly. I was living his dream and I could tell that he was jealous. I resented the vampire now even more. He had hurt Steve by blooding me and I wanted his dead body even more now than I had done before. "Hey vampire man, get out of the closet." He did as I asked and revealed himself to Steve. He gasped in terror and looked over at me.

"You, you told me that I had bad blood. What are you doing with him Darren?" I shook my head indicating that I was unsure.

"Steve, I am sorry but Darren has to come with me to the Cirque du Freak. I will let you…" He was interrupted by a loud crash as my window smashed. "What the hell is going on?" He asked as I shrugged and swivelled round to see a scary looking man with purple skin and gleaming red eyes. "You, you I want you out!" He screeched at the man as I guided Steve to the bedroom door.

"Go, I'll be fine with Mr Crepsley." I cried over the loudness of the argument. He shook his head as I looked over my shoulder at a struggling Crepsley. "Go now! I am telling you." I insisted as he continued to stand his ground.

"And I am telling you no. I can't leave you Darren, not like this." I sighed and pushed out of the door. As he tumbled to the ground, I locked the door and leaned against it. "Darren, Darren let me in!" he screamed as I pushed against the door.

"No, Steve please just go home and I'll talk to you at school tomorrow I promise." I said as he pounded on the wooden separator between him and me. The banging ceased as he mumbled.

"Fine but I didn't want to leave you. Remember that Darren Shan and I'll hopefully see you tomorrow." He sighed and reluctantly left. He had stood by me all I was going to do now was leave him. I looked back as Mr Crepsley tossed him out of the window. He grabbed my arm and dragged me to the window.

"Come on, we must leave now." I tugged my arm back as he had a loose grip on it and shook my head.

"No, no I'm not leaving. I can't leave Steve and my parents and Annie I just can't." I howled as he gripped my arm tighter.

"You must Darren; we have a lot to prepare for!" He shouted back angrily and began to tug on my arm. I held on to the door handle to stop him pulling me away and he eventually released his grip and looked at me fashioning an exasperated expression. "Why will you not come?" He asked with his head in his hand.

"Was it not hard for you to leave everything you had? Steve would stick by me and he wouldn't leave me. I can't leave him. I am the last thing he has, his mom's an alcoholic, his dad left him years ago and he has no brothers or sisters. What am I suppose to do, leave him on his own?" He nodded reluctantly and headed for the window; my arm no longer in his grasp.

"Fine, I will give you another week but then you must come." I nodded and closed the window. The next day, I avoided Steve as best I could but he caught me in French class at the end.

"Hey, take it you didn't go." I nodded and decided to tell him the news.

"No, I didn't go but I have to go next week." I sighed as he smiled up at me.

"Guess we'll just have to spend these last days as though they're your last." He grinned as we sneaked out of class. It wasn't like I had an example to set, I was gonna die next week anyways. I was going to spend these last days with Steve, my best and only friend I truly could believe in. We spent hours talking and reading comics together. I barely slept in three days thanks to my phone in my room. We chatted until five in the morning and he didn't seem to care that his mom was going nuts at him. When the day before I had to leave came, I lay on my bed and refused to go to school. I wasn't spending my last Thursday in some stuffy classroom with Mr Kersey. I was ready now, ready to die, ready to leave my friends and family forever.

**A/N:** I know that it was meant to be a one-shot but I couldn't resist adding another chapter. ^_^ as I always ask, please review to tell me what'cha thought.


	3. Chapter 3

**DISCLAIMER: **I own no rights to Cirque Du Freak or any of the characters in it

**A/N: **Set after Darren was blooded but before he went to the cirque. A couple of days after the freak show. Oh and in Darren's POV. Mix of the books and the film.

**SUMMARY: **How could I tell him the truth about what I really was? This was the hardest thing that I had ever had to do and I was dreading it. Maybe maths lessons are good times to tell the truth.

**TITLE: **The hardest thing

~D~A~R~R~E~N~~S~H~A~N~

**Chapter 3**

I hated leaving. Leaving Steve was the hardest thing and as I thought more and more about it, I realised just how much I needed him. Tears began to trickle down my face as I stared at the ceiling of my room. I missed him more than ever and knew that he'd visit to see why I didn't go in to school. My alarm clock read half past four but it seemed like half past one with how slow the minutes ticked by. As I wiped the tears from my eyes, there was a knock at my door. I groaned and forced my tired body from my bed. "Who is it?" I called, still trying to get up.

"Steve, le'me in." I pulled the door open and yawned as he stared at me in shock. "Wow dude, you look horrible." He wiped away some of my stray tears which I'd missed and smiled. "What's up?" He asked in an unusually calming voice. I liked this side of Steve, it showed the real him. When I didn't answer, he sighed and fell onto my bed. I sat beside him as he stared into my eyes. "Darren, tell me why you've been crying?" His voice was more serious and insistent as I nodded and leaned beck against my wall.

"Well, I don't wanna leave, Steve. I don't wanna leave you or my family or my life. I'm scared." My voice broke as tears flooded from my eyes. I could tell that Steve wanted to make it all better. To kill Crepsley for what he had done to me but he couldn't. He was a human and he was a vampire. If Steve faced up to him, he'd be killed on the spot. I buried my head in the duvet; pained cries escaped my throat as I felt Steve place a hand on my back.

"Shh, Darren it's all gonna be okay. I won't let him take you if you don't wanna go." I nodded and lifted my head. I didn't want to leave and Steve had become something of a brother to me. He was the older brother that I had never had and that I had needed for so long. Even though he was only a few months older, he knew so much more than I did and had always been there when I needed him. Wiping away the tears from my face, Steve smirked and stood up. I smiled back and followed him out the door. "Follow me; I'll give that Creepsley a piece of my mind." I smirked again and followed him to the roof of my house. I told him that I'd be meeting Crepsley here and chuckled when he called him 'Creepsley'. That summed the vampire up in one word. He was a creep and if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't feel this way. I saw the rough outline of the red-headed vampire jump from roof-to-roof as he landed next to me. Now Steve was red with fury as he pushed Mr Crepsley into the tiles on my roof.

"Mr Leonard, can I help?" He asked as Steve frowned and tightened his grip on Mr Crepsley's cape.

"Yeah, actually you can help. You are not taking Darren cuz he needs his family and he needs me just like I need him. Take him and you ruin his life forever. Your choice, you decide but look at him first and tell me if you see what I see. Darren is in bits and it's your entire fault." He released him and sat back down next to me. "It's okay Darren, he won't take you." H whispered in my ear as I smiled.

"R-really?" I asked as he nodded and I looked at Mr Crepsley. He was still scared from Steve's surprise attack and cautiously edged towards us.

"Darren, come, come with me and learn our ways." He held a hand out but I ignored it and looked back at Steve. "Please, you have to. You are my assistant and you need me to keep you safe." He had a fair point. Without him I'd probably die because of lack of blood but it wasn't that easy. I took his hand as he pulled me up and then I made my biggest mistake of looking back. Steve was genuinely hurt and was almost in tears.

"Steve, I have to go. I'll come back and visit." I said as I looked up at Mr Crepsley who was shaking his head slowly. "What? Are you telling me that I can't come and visit?"

"Yes, I am. If you come back to visit, your parents will be so confused if you get caught because well…you have to fake your death." I felt sick. I could never see my family again, my friends again or most importantly, Steve again.

"I can't go. I cannot just leave them here." I cried and pounded his chest feebly. He sighed as I cried into his cape and looked back at Steve who was also in tears.

"Darren, you have to go. I know that I don't want you to and I know that you don't want to but you have to. I can come visit you, my mum hardly realises I'm alive so she won't miss me." He smiled and walked closer towards me. A goodbye hug was all I had time for as Mr Crepsley dragged me away from my life. I felt as though a hole had been punched in me and I had lost a brother. He was part of my life now and I could never see him again. That hurt more than anything else.

**A/N:** Well another chapter. I know that it's kinda short but another will be posted up hopefully soon. Thank you for your reviews so far.


	4. Chapter 4

**DISCLAIMER: **I own no rights to Cirque Du Freak or any of the characters in it

**A/N: **Set after Darren was blooded but before he went to the cirque. A couple of days after the freak show. Oh and in Darren's POV. Mix of the books and the film.

**SUMMARY: **How could I tell him the truth about what I really was? This was the hardest thing that I had ever had to do and I was dreading it. Maybe maths lessons are good times to tell the truth.

**TITLE: **The hardest thing

~D~A~R~R~E~N~~S~H~A~N~

**Chapter 4**

I looked back as Steve grew more and more distant. I knew that the freak show was a big mistake and I wished that I could reverse time and live life as a normal boy. Nothing seemed to make sense anymore. Why was I so special? Why did I have to be a vampire? I asked Mr Crepsley if we could stop for a minute while I caught my breath and he agreed. We settled on a roof top, not that far from mine. "Mr Crepsley, why do I have to be a vampire?" He sighed and turned to face me.

"We all have a destiny that is planned out. If it will make this whole thing easier, tell me about you and Steve." I nodded and leant back so I was gazing at the star scattered sky.

"Okay, well I remember once, me and Steve were in maths and we were so bored so we got the teacher out of the room and wrote 'Mr Kersey stinks' on the white board." Mr Crepsley chuckled at this story then handed me a small vile. I stared at it from different angles and then took it in my hand. "Is this it? If I drink this I'll die?" He nodded as I tipped the liquid in my mouth. It tasted like aniseed and I gagged once I'd swallowed it. My lips went numb and my hands started to tingle like mad. "Ya know, it's gonna be hard not having Steve to make things right when they go wrong. He always made things better. I was crying once 'cos of something and then Steve came along and I felt better. He made my day seem brighter."

"I know it will be hard but… I will help you through it. You will miss Steve and it will hurt more than anything but when you look up at the stars and the moon in the sky, Steve will be with you. He is your best friend and you will always feel like that. He will always be in your heart and no one can take that away from you." Maybe he was right. Maybe Steve would always be with me somehow. I didn't have a lot of time to think as he pushed me off the roof and I landed on the floor in a heap. My bones ached and the world seemed to fade. I saw a blurry Steve come near me and tip my head up to face him.

"Darren! Darren c'mon man, I know you don't wanna be a vampire but you don't need to die!" He screeched as he pulled me into his arms. I was dying, in my best friends arms. "Please Darren, I could have visited you, I could have got you out of this life and hidden with you somewhere. Darren please hold on." He cried as tears streamed down his face. I twitched a little as he smiled then forced out my last words.

"Th-thank y-you S-Steve L-Leonard." My head fell on his chest as he looked up at Mr Crepsley.

"You, You killed Darren. I will never forgive you, you ass wipe!" He buried his head in my hair as pained cries escaped his throat. Mr Crepsley disappeared into the night as I lay in my distraught best friends safe arms. The funeral was short and I had to be careful not to twitch. When it was over, I lay in my coffin and thought about Steve. Those things he said when I was dying never left my mind. Dirt seemed to be lifting from the lid and soon enough I was out. When the lid was lifted, I'd expected Crepsley but no… I got Steve. He smirked when he was me, his silver eyes shimmering in the moon light.

"Hey Darren," he beamed as I lay unspoken. "I saw you twitch at the end of the funeral so knew you were alive. I told ya I'd keep you away from that life." I scrambled up from the coffin and stared at him for a while before we hid behind a tree. "Shh, don't speak." He whispered as we saw Mr Crepsley dig my grave up. He looked so menacing with the lamp beside him and the black coat on. The best thing about this night was that I hadn't lost by blood-brother after all. We tip-toed past the confused vampire and slipped out in into the night, it was just me and Steve now against the world.


End file.
